Glimmers

Dear Friends,

I emerge from eight weeks of a dedicated writing life, with four more to go. My mind and heart are swimming with ideas and images as I seek to bring new hope to the topic of Grief. This March Glimmer is just that for me, a glimmer of perspective and reconnection with each of you.

It’s hard work to write a book! All the glamour of “being published” is taking a back seat to the effort to make sense and contribute something that is helpful. To speak with authenticity, the work also includes returning to the deepest places of my understanding of loss and the tangled way through it. “Grieving – the Sacred Art” offers a passionate respect for Grief’s healing response to the painful reality of Loss. I look forward to sharing it with you, especially those who are processing losses.

The families of birds that visit our bird feeders continue to provide respite for this writer’s heart. Their cheerful energy makes me smile on a snowy, grey afternoon or in the bright blue of morning. Recently, we added a new feeder. It looks like a donut made from yellow, green and blue mosaic tiles. The birds sit on or in it, head or tail poking out, as they wish. The day they discovered it seemed to bring extra energy to the scene as they flew between one feeder to the next. Their delight in a new “friend” intrigued me. I wonder, can I experience delight in each of the people and places I come upon in my day? Can I sing my song of joy as I discover new windows to life, to Love?

An added feature of this dear mosaic feeder is the little squares of light it reflects into my writing room. As it twirls around, the lights move across the walls and I smile some more. May we, you and I, welcome the opportunities for life whenever they appear. And may we rejoice in the reflections of Light around us.

with love, Lisa

Dear Friends,

2016 is underway….here in Connecticut we’ve had a mild winter so far. Most of us are very grateful about that! But I continue to be mystified by the passage of time, it moves so much faster than I realize.

As it turns out, I am trying to finish a second book this winter, “Grief – the Sacred Art…Hope in the Land of Loss.” It is to be published by Skylight Paths Publishing in November. I fear I must reserve my creative energy for this project and cut back on this month’s Glimmer. Instead, let me share a quote, by Mark Nepo, that I encountered recently. It has been very helpful for me…

Repetition is not a failure.
Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind.

Have you ever “battered” yourself for not following through with something? Have you ever shaken your head when you realized you were trying to meet this one goal…again? Do you see your limitations instead of your gifts? your fears instead of your courage? Then this quote is for you.

Keeping the light going takes practice…

Join me in imagining ocean waves. I hope you’ve had many opportunities to just sit and watch them roll in and pull back… some larger and noisier, others quiet…bringing shells on the shore, pulling sand back into the sea…in and out. Now, in your reverie tell me, do you critique the waves? Do you wonder if they’re inadequate because they keep doing this over and over? No, I’m sure you don’t, their rhythm becomes soothing for most of us, their repetition can become our teacher.

Just for your consideration on this February day, dear friends, when you need to get back to something. Offer yourself the compassion you deserve and listen to the waves.

with lots of love from Lake Beseck, Lisa

Dear Friends,

Two years ago, I wrote my first Glimmer. I was writing about Epiphany, as I am this January night, a lovely Christian tradition celebrating the arrival of wisdom figures from far away. These three traveled a great distance to kneel before the Divine. At the time, it felt like an appropriate theme as I stepped forward in community ministry. I too, seek the Light. I find myself in awe of Love in the world. I am willing to be a witness of that Love.

On Epiphany, in this new year of 2016, I entered an experience of Bethlehem and made my own journey to the Christ child. The church hall’s transformation allowed my heart to be open to a make-believe Holy Land while experiencing very real feelings within myself. When my name was taken for the census, I wondered about my status as a woman in a restricted culture. As the kind purveyor of herbs shared her goods, I felt welcomed to a simpler time. All around me, folks moved between vendors’ tents in traditional clothing, sharing stories in the marketplace. In the distance, I saw Mary and Joseph with their infant. I held onto my husband’s arm as we climbed the steps to see Jesus. Some ache remains in my ankle, but I am so grateful for my time of healing. We approached, said hello to each and then moved closer to look into the eyes of the little guy. He fussed a bit, perhaps he was worn out from all the visitors. But his mama, “Mary,” was relaxed and just shifted him in her arms as she stood up to give us a closer look. His sweet face and soft skin pulled at my heart, he was beautiful! I looked into Mary’s eyes and saw a mother’s love. Without thinking I said, “Thank you for committing yourself to caring for this child,” speaking as if I was present at that long ago moment in Bethlehem. Those two parents chose to nurture the gift of Love that became a gift to us all. Tears filled my eyes and I became a traveler standing before the Divine.

Thomas Keating, OCSO, suggests that Epiphany might be called “enlightenment” in other religions. He said, “Epiphany is the inward realization and consciousness of being identified with who we really are. We are not our false selves or egos. Kiss them goodbye. ….the most important aspect in life is the epiphany or revelation of God that is going on all the time in the details of life.”

God IS going on all the time in the details of life! I wonder if it’s only disbelief that prevents us from seeing the Mystery right before our eyes. Do we get caught in the demands and routines of contemporary lifestyles? Are we desensitized to the amazing reality around us? My prayer is to stay open with an innocent heart, so I may see Love in my life…a father kissing his son’s head, a family honoring a loved one’s memory, a reconciliation between friends, a chaplain holding a patient’s hand…each are moments of Love. Each bring Love’s energy into the world, providing comfort, healing and nourishment. 

I seek to be part of this divine legacy. I seek to share Love as best I can so my energy is aligned with this great gift we’ve been given. Meister Eckhart tells us, “We are all meant to be mothers of God, for God is always needing to be born.” My response is yes, as I re-commit myself in this new year. May my eyes shine as “Mary’s” did when Love is present between us.

Blessings to you, dear friends, as your new year begins. May hope and courage rest in your heart and direct your choices.

You are thought of with love and gratitude,

Lisa

Dear Friends,

Advent has begun! In the Christian world, we have entered a time of “expectant waiting.” These four weeks are so much more than commercial preparations for Christmas. They invite us into a sacred time, a time of living with hope in the midst of uncertainty, or even despair.

I choose hope. With each step on my surgically repaired broken leg, I face some pain, look past fear, and believe I will walk and dance again. I hope. The image of my mother’s purple, paralyzed legs return, but so do memories of her courage and stamina. I gratefully absorb all of her legacy as I heal, one day at a time.

In the context of the world’s brokenness, however, my one broken bone seems so small…my one life, insignificant. The unending flow of Syrian refugees, the startling attack on citizens of Paris, and the confusing and constant images of gun violence in the U.S. come together in an anguished sob. I join my brokenness with the world’s, my grief with yours. It feels like we stand before a Well of Sadness as members of the human family. We stand together as individuals, each carrying concerns, fears, a hurting heart. This is the reality I bring to the season of hope this year.

Many of us try to avoid the Well of Sadness. When life brings loss, chaos, or betrayal, we skirt the edges to avoid the darkness and consuming pain we might find there. We are convinced there is no way out of such a place. It doesn’t matter that our own tears are part of the deep waters, the Well is to be avoided at all costs. The cost, though, is the best part of who we are. The journey through the Well of Sadness, no matter how we get there, brings us closer to our True Self, our Divine spark, our Source of Hope.

I’m reminded of a friend of mine who landed in Sadness a few years ago after a horrific loss. This month, she is hosting a Tree of Light event to remember loved ones and to assist the Syrian refugees. Like Mary and Joseph, like the refugees, she is making her own Advent journey with a hopeful heart. She courageously travels through the Well of Sadness and finds herself connected with folks across the world.

How can I do any less? I will keep going, aligning myself in prayer and in effort, with those facing great challenge. Each step, however risky, teaches me patience and courage. I, like my friend or the refugees or you, do not know the future. I surrender my attempts at control, I place my expectant heart in the hands of a loving God. I hope.

Peace be with you,

Lisa

Dear Friends,

It was a wonderful summer. The lake was back after a year with no water, and the dam fixed. My family and friends loved me into my 65th year of being alive. And I signed two book contracts, recommitting myself to the mystery of writing.

Then my fibula broke.

I could have written “I broke my leg.” Isn’t that the standard phrase to describe a broken leg? Instead, I chose “my fibula broke.” For me the difference is not that I named the bone. (Although I do like to learn and use anatomical terminology, it helps me know myself in a new way.) No, the difference is in the subject of the sentence…is it “I” broke my leg” or “My leg” broke? The difference matters to me, for I did not choose to break my fibula. It just happened.

My bone – a wonderful bone that has been a part of my walking, swimming and especially dancing – is broken. This one bone? I’ve taken it for granted, like every other bone in my body…every other cell, muscle, organ, squirting hormone and chemical interaction. I tend to take my life for granted as a rule, except for moments of grace.

Nothing can be taken for granted in this new way of being. As any of you who have experienced physical challenges know, every step (pun intended) of daily life must be rethought. “OK, I can move to that chair if I put my hands here…and push…but what about my foot, is there room to pivot?” Using the toilet? This requires balancing on one leg while pulling pants off and on with a wobbly four-legged walker between me and the hard ceramic tile floor. Sometimes fear appears, especially from my 65 year old, overweight and out-of-shape perspective. One sleepy night, my fear was realized …I fell. Down I went, crashing into the bathroom door before I hit the cold tile. I was OK… and clearly reminded how vulnerable I really am. In these moments, memories of my mother’s paralyzed legs return. When I was 2, her 27 year old body was smashed and changed forever in a car accident.

I look at my leg, it looks different compared to it’s stronger partner. I am grateful it will heal, but I cautiously wonder when I’ll be able to dance again. I don’t know when that day will be, so I choose to live inside of “this” day. The dials of my active, independent, extroverted lifestyle have been turned way down. Here, where I live, I am grateful for a ride to the doctor’s, a morning free from discomfort so I can write, or a neighbor coming over to share a cup of tea. Here, I embrace my quiet, dependent, introverted self and have come to love her. When I feel brave, I wonder how my mother must have felt when she lost freedom of movement forever… and I grieve for her. On this day, as I breathe in golden autumn coolness, I experience gentleness within myself and know this as a moment of grace.

Rumi says, “Don’t worry thats your life is turning upside down. How do you know the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” Wise words, it seems to me, but a lot easier to accept when everything is right-side up! Living in an upside down world does not just invite change, it demands it. With a promise of new life, the upside down world invites humble acceptance of “what is.” The path before me is uncertain but I carry hope, and a few notes of dance music, in my heart. Today, surrounded by Love, I say yes. That’s the only step I can take.

Thinking of each of you with a grateful heart,

Lisa

“The future has an ancient heart.” Carlo Levi  

Dear Friends,

I hope this September Glimmer finds you well. I always experience a “new year” feeling as Summer slides into Fall, this year is no exception. Do you carry the echoes of starting over at this time of year? I’ve been busy working on a book that will be published next year (another new beginning in Fall), and have been looking forward to reconnecting with you through my monthly missive.

Carlo Levi’s words set the direction for this Glimmer. I ask you to join me in considering them:

“The future has an ancient heart.”

Stop and think about it for yourself…

The future…all that is before me, mostly unknown except the promise of my death. Future…the time to come…opportunity…a gift.

An ancient heart…heart, evokes a tender image…love. Combined with ancient, I envision the promise of love that extends back through time. Love that is in my own story, my parents and grandparents, love that is part of my legacy as a human being. The image of ancient heart aligns my heart with the Source of Love.

We are not stranded here in this life, nor will we be as we move forward. The future’s vibrating reality will not shed the Source from which it came. Instead the future will carry the wisdom and tenderness of the ages. The future will inhabit the legacy of Love.

I write these words as a member of the human race, as one voice that embraces the both/and of being alive. When I look to the future, and embrace this vision, I find myself more fully in the Now. And this moment, this breath, is the mystery of God.

I write these words with an awareness of the tragedies that surround us in 2015, our “now.” While I explore the breadth and depth of Spirit, it is not done so in a vacuum. Currents of cruelty and confusion challenge our hearts everyday. That is why it is critical that we align ourselves with Love, with the ancient heart that beats throughout time. It is vital that we see ourselves, our value and our light as part of that Light of hope.

Seek and share your gifts, friends. Bring the treasure of your heart into service of the Ancient Heart that holds us all so tenderly. The world needs you, your family and friends need you. I need you.

With love and Mercy, Lisa

Dear Friends,

As June turns into July, I’m wondering…what kinds of “turning” are you experiencing these days? How is change moving things around in your life and in your heart?

First, may I say it is a gift to be reaching out to you again. I’m considering offering more frequent communication from This Little Light. I really enjoy “the pause” when I think of each of you, pray for you, and become connected with you. Thank you for being there. I would suggest that “the pause” these Glimmers seek to offer is one way to process, even reverence, the moments in our lives. Is this a time of change for you? It is for me!

• Perhaps if I name some particular examples you’ll understand my recent appreciation of change, transition and transformation.
• I’ve started noticing the song birds around our house. We are building a relationship, the birds and I, that gives me such life! I observe their variety, melody, silliness and habits and find myself quieting down. Their song of life is teaching me, and I bring this joy with me out into the world.
• I’ve accepted the invitation to listen deeply, with more intention and consistency. This “practice” moves me from simply “seeking answers” to becoming comfortable with the questions. I am learning that holding a question is a grace-filled way of being.
• I made a change in my work life. I moved from hospital ministry to community-based chaplaincy, experiencing transition several months before I left, and now, three months later. Transition is both subtle and powerful, leaving its mark on my point of view, on feelings about the past, and on the limits of my eager heart.
• I applied for Medicare. This rite of passage brought tears, not giggles, for me. I felt my vulnerability at this stage of life. I saw the many roads I have traveled so far and wondered what lay ahead. It seems these pivotal events that last a few hours or a few minutes reverberate through our stories, inviting our participation.

My words to you this month…respect and care for the influence of change in your life. How is it teaching you? What is it teaching you? Are you willing to learn? We know our contemporary and technological lifestyle favors moving on to the next thing, often as quickly as possible. Instead, slow down… watch the birds… breathe in the change. Experience how it feels in your body. Listen to your heart and trust its invitations. Pause as you cross the threshold. Wonder at your life, its joys and challenges, and consider the glimmers of light hiding in the corners or blinding your way. Let Love live in you.

with affection,

Lisa

Dear Friends,

How are you as this new month arrives? Although its raining today at Lake Beseck, the promise of summer has already lifted our hearts and opened the windows. Time to pause and reflect…

Years ago, I was given this little story and subsequently shared it with others. It offers a piece of wisdom that makes sense.

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me…it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, generosity, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, truth, compassion and faith. This same fight is going on inside you and every other person too.”

They thought about that for a moment, when one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The grandfather looked his grandchild in the eyes and said, “The one you feed.”

And that is the end of the traditional story. We hear it and nod our heads, don’t we? We think, “Yes, I am invited to embrace the good in myself and stop ‘feeding’ the bad that is within me.” We nod our heads and move forward in our lives, believing we follow the better path.

But these days I find the story incomplete, for it leaves out another option. It leaves out a fuller understanding of our complex humanity. For me, that which we reject – our pride or guilt or sadness or even anger – is not a flaw to be eliminated. It is evidence of wounds. It is a form of coping with life’s challenges.

To reach our fullness as human beings we are invited to move out of the either/or mentality, of choosing between these wolves. Instead, we are invited to adopt the both/and point of view. We are invited to embrace all of ourselves, for we are creatures of both joy and fear, both hope and envy, both empathy and guilt.

Another option? Do not starve the second wolf, instead offer it the sweet milk of compassion. Help it find a new way to be understood and heard. Listen to the wolf’s cries, and even its growls, and provide a soothing touch to calm its pain. Life is not a tale of win or lose, but of healing and hope.

                               Trust the wisdom found in the fullness of life. Trust the wisdom found in yourself.

with love, Lisa